Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review

I posted one of our office iPod touches back to the editor a while ago, addressed to Mr Rob "touchy-feely" Hearn (in reference to the touchscreen, of course, so he'd know what the package was).

Unfortunately, he wasn't in when the package arrived and had to fetch it from his new neighbour, who now knows him as Mr Touchy-Feely. A hilarious turn of events, I'm sure you'll agree; but my punishment, it seems, is being given the opportunity to review yet in other painfully trite movie tie-in game.

Considering the excruciatingly vapid Transformers movie from a year or so back, it’s absolutely no surprise that the sequel, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, appears to be built very much from the same ill-fitting parts. Unfortunately in this case, the quality of its mobile game adaptation isn't much better.

Rarely do we come across games that are so bland they don't seem to fit into any genre (other than ‘film tie-in’, but that's practically an insult in the games industry anyway). Naturally you take on the role of Transformers front man Optimus Prime, and follow some daffodil-weak plot about the Decepticons returning to be dastardly for no apparent reason.

To defeat them, you're required to stagger slowly and jerkily along a world of platforms, punching the mindless minions of Megatron, jumping over gaps and standing on switches. And that's about it, really.

You're able to change into vehicle mode, of course, which you do simply by pushing downwards. The developer has struggled to give much purpose to a lorry cab trundling around on platforms, however, and other than occasionally shoving an obstacle into a more appropriate position (though why you can't do this when in robot mode is never explained) there seems to be almost no reason for your Transformer to actually transform.

Graphically, the game isn't too bad, with loads of detail and very decent background artwork. The animation leaves a lot to be desired, however. Transforming from vehicle to robot is almost laughable, with poor old Optimus bouncing up off his wheels in a kind of “ta-da!” motion, as a stripper might do when jumping out of a birthday cake.

While the game is far from broken, you would have to be a hopelessly Transformer-addicted completionist to find any use for this mobile tie-in of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Indeed, your time might be better spent going to watch the film at the pictures. It's that bad.