Monster Warlord

I once found myself stranded for nearly three hours on a stationary train with only my ageing GBA and a review copy of Pokemon Fire Red for company.

Any reservations about the apparently kiddie-centric series I may have had quickly dissipated as I became captivated by the compulsion of collecting weird and wonderful critters to enter into tense strategic battles.

Gamevil's Monster Warlord attempts to replicate the success of Nintendo's collect-them-all phenomenon, but it fails to be anything more than a freemium money drain with only the most tediously basic gameplay.

Everything, from battling monsters to completing the seemingly endless supply of quests, involves nothing more than tapping a big 'Do It' button. Want to take on an internet rival? Just hit 'Do It'. Want to go monster hunting? Just hit 'Do it'.

The only limit to your capacity to 'Do It' is how much energy you have left, how much cash there is in your coffers, and how many health points your monster squad has - all of which deplete in combat.

Ultimately, the goal is to collect an army of cute, yet apparently hyper-aggressive, beasties that can be combined using ultra rare - or expensive - crystals. You can also buy monsters using cash earned from quests, or by reaching into your real wallet for yet another IAP.

You also level-up by completing levels, which gives you a chance to boost your Power, Stamina, and Health stats incrementally - as well as eventually opening up new areas and missions.

The whole game, however, has a desperately inconsequential feel unless you're the kind of player who's willing to spend stacks of real-world money to acquire the best bestiary around.

Teaming up with other players using alliance codes does enhance the social aspects of the game, as well as allowing you to take on giant bosses in co-op combat, but there are a million better ways to make like-minded friends online.

And, because battles require less tactical nous than a game of rock, paper, scissors, having your precious data allowance used up with endless notifications about random fights you've won and lost feels as exciting as checking spam email.

The somewhat cute creature designs soften the blow slightly, yet Monster Warlords is still a weak Pokemon clone that's desperately short of ideas and actual gameplay.