You have legs, right? They're pretty useful things to have in this day and age, getting us from A to B and all that jazz.
But do your legs extend to preposterous lengths, allowing you to grab cherries from tree branches with just your teeth? No? We're sorry to hear that. What a shame.
The singular Mr Legs is the closest you're likely to get to this admittedly niche ambition.
Here's the story: Mr Legs is out on a stroll, and he's looking to eat as many cherries as possible before he reaches his destination.
Your job is to drag him up and down to extend and retract his legs, allowing him to reach fruit both up high and down low.
Mr Legs speeds up and slows down depending on how tall he is, meaning that you can't simply focus on the height of the cherries - you also need to look ahead and consider the obstacles in front of him.
That's because there are nasty birds that try to peck Mr Legs's eyes out, and bombs on the ground that threaten to explode as he walks by. The key to success is to keep complete control over how quickly Mr Legs moves into obstacles.
These factors combine to make the game more of a puzzler than an arcade experience, as you attempt to work out how to get past specific obstacles by speeding up and slowing down in quick succession.
That's "Mister" to you
What makes Mr Legs really entertaining is the personality oozing out of its every orifice.
The Mozart soundtrack and Mr Legs's shouts of "Hello baaaaby" go nicely with the monochrome, out-of-this-world settings that Mr Legs makes his way through.
It all makes for a unique experience that will stay with you for a long time after you've played it.
And you'll be playing it for a while. The level design throughout is spot-on, meaning that getting three stars in each level is deeply rewarding.
It's worth stressing that Mr Legs is tough going, and not for the faint-hearted.
Get hit by a bomb or a bird and you'll lose all the cherries you've eaten - this usually means you need to restart the level again, or else you'll get to the end and not have enough to buy the next level.
It would be nice if there was a way to pick your difficulty setting, as more players of varying degrees of skill would then be able to get involved.
As it stands, Mr Legs is one of the wackiest and most playable games you can currently grab from the Android Market. Leg it over there and grab a copy.