Guns, Wheels and Madheads

Being a reckless driver is reprehensible behaviour in the real world, but in the anything-goes realm of video games, it's often an advantage if not tantamount to being a skilled art-form.

Maybe it's just us, but we feel there's something intangibly divine about barrel-rolling several virtual tonnes of flaming vehicle headlong into a wall – poetry in locomotion if you will.

But while there are smash-'em up games that justify such pretentious misty-eyed eulogising, there's also the delicately titled Guns, Wheels and Madheads, a game that deserves no such romantic regard, such is its completely ham-fisted stab at the Twisted Metal template.

Basically the idea is you take control of one of a selection of two cars to do battle on one of a selection of two square arenas (one brown, one grey). You have to steer your weapon-laden vehicle around with the thumbstick (or the '2', '4', '6' and '8' keys), attempting to destroy the other three cars that share the arena by pressing '5' to attack.

Do this successfully in Career mode and you'll progress through the first two stages, unlocking new arenas and cars as you go. These are then available in Survival mode, which is a straight-up 'stay alive for the longest' contest.

Other additions include various weapon power-ups and shields you pick up during the levels and which are then selected as default items until they have been used up.

Put this way, Guns, Wheels and Madheads should be like Demolition Derby with guns and by rights, great fun. Sadly, it's not.

The vehicles are nearly as maneuverable as a beached aircraft carrier, albeit one liberally greased on its underside. Equally, hitting the target with your guns is less about chance than it is about understanding the fundamentals of futility. The reason there are collectable random letters scattered about the place is simply never explained.

Adding to the mess, the computer-controlled enemy drivers are more aggressive than a horny walrus after 500 cans of Stella, and unlocking even one of the fabled extra cars or tracks will take you the rest of your natural life.

But what's worse is how rigid everything is. A game based on crashing and shooting with no discernable physics is like a survival horror game without flesh-eating zombies or a tennis game without racquets or a ball; it doesn't make sense, it's no fun to play and feels really, really silly.

Still, when it comes to minor positives, Guns, Wheels and Madheads isn't such a bad game to look at. The 3D engine works competently and the spot effects, such as smoke, border on the impressive. In fact, the visuals are the closest thing this game has to a saving grace, though presentation-wise the whole experience is still sloppy and feels half finished.

So Guns, Wheels and Madheads is basically terrible - providing a perfect example of graphical ambition given priority over solid gameplay and polish.