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5 iOS game spin-off films that would be better than the Temple Run movie

I could go on

5 iOS game spin-off films that would be better than the Temple Run movie
|
iOS
| Temple Run

Temple Run is being made into a movie.

Digest that for a moment. Let it wash over you like a slop bucket of bad ideas. Now, let's break it down.

A game in which the dev basically borrowed a minute-long section of an Indiana Jones movie and turned it into a successful, almost narrative-free mobile game is now itself being turned into a movie.

The snake is eating itself. The circle is complete. The cycle of silly rolls ever down the 'you what?' hill.

Gift horses

But here at Pocket Gamer's facility of interconnected brainstorming rooms, we're not ones to look a gift horse in the mouth, no matter how wide that gift horse is opening its mouth and begging us to look. So, we had a thought...

"Which iOS games could be spun off into movies that will no doubt be much better than the Temple Run film?"

Read on for the answers. Well, some of them.

I mean, Temple Run? Seriously?


Infinity Blade

At least Infinity Blade has a story. It's not a great story, sure, but then the plot of The Hangover Part 2 is pretty awful, and you all went to see that.

So, there's some fighting, vengeance, armour, arrows, swords, castles, mystic god creatures, more swords, and even more armour in Infinity Blade.

I reckon an Infinity Blade movie would be at least as good as Willow... and that had Val Kilmer in it. Plus, you could make God King sequels basically forever. You wouldn't even have to change anything.


The Room

I might actually be being serious about this one. There's a rich and spooky universe to explore here, and opening boxes is cinematic gold.

Furthermore, there are bits in the game where you have to put special glasses on. "Ding". That's the sound of my cash register.

I mean, you could make even more money off this franchise by selling these special glasses to people, even though they don't actually make the film any better.

Hang on...

The sections of the film where the protagonist endlessly circles a plinth, looking at things he's looked at a hundred times before and trying to work out what to do next, would probably need to be trimmed.


Random Heroes

In my head, the official Random Heroes film is a cross between Platoon and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. A bunch of historical figures are assembled to fight a robotic alien invasion.

There'll be laughs, there'll be tension, there'll be some platforming bits in which Abraham Lincoln has to help a fireman.

Actually, this might work. Who do I need to call to set up a meeting? I'm thinking Fassbender for the lead.


Sid Meier's Ace Patrol

Here's the elevator pitch: 'Crack pilots in World War I. With top-drawer moustaches and dapper coats. Life-and-death sorties across the skies of Europe.'

Whaddya think?

There might be some base-based romances, some jokes about flying camels, maybe even some kind of 'big attack plans' board.

The film just writes itself. Get Bay in to direct. I'll executive produce. We could make an official game of the movie of the game. Officially.


Angry Birds

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Wait, Rovio and Sony are doing one, aren't they?

I feel a bit sick.