Pocket Gamer Election Special: Which mobile game best represents the main parties?
You know what, I'm not sorry
People of the United Kingdom! Your time is now. It's vote o'clock, time to put a cross next to a name and be a part of deciding the political direction of your country for the next five years.
But it's a tight race. Too tight to call some might say, and that can only mean one thing. It's time for a vaguely offensive post about which mobile games best represent the main political parties.
Yeah, that's right, I'm going there. And you can't stop me. Well, I guess you could just stop reading, but then you wouldn't be able to get angry and post angry things about how angry you are in the comments.
Not bothered though, because this is a democracy and I am doing some democratic stuff all over your business. Bosh.
Please note though, this is all jokes. Don't sue us.
The Conservatives - Dungeon Keeper
I'm not going for the "beloved franchise ruined" angle here, because no one ever loved the Tories. Instead I'm going for the money-grubbing, cynical, parasitical angle.
This is a party that exists to make money for people you're never going to meet, who are already richer than you can ever hope to be. Which is, quite frankly, awful. Boo to them. Boo indeed.
The Liberal Democrats - 2048
At the time of the last election The Liberal Democrat party would have been Threes! Full of fresh ideas and excitement, a force for good in the world.
Now it's 2048. A lame clone of something great that's nowhere near as good as the original. It flaps around, not quite sure what's going on, but suckering people into thinking it's worth a punt because we got it for free.
Labour - Badland
Oh it looks so pretty. It looks like a change. But deep down there's something missing, a lack of substance that makes you think "actually, it's not that much different from the other lot."
But on the plus side it's a premium choice, and with a bit of luck it'll get some updates along the way that turn it in to the game we all want it to be.
The SNP - Infinity Blade
Because it wants to cut the country up! And because people in Scotland still use swords! No, but seriously, the SNP is all about avenging its fathers, who died trying to steal a magical weapon.
Wow, this article has lost its way. Oh, I've got one - the SNP is the first political party to be created with the Unreal Engine.Plaid Cymru - Rymdkapsel
Because I don't really know how to pronounce either of them.
The Greens - Botanicula
Why did I think this was a good idea? The Green Party is Botanicula because it loves trees and there's a tree in that game.
Also Botanicula is sweet and good natured and a lot of people just didn't really get it.UKIP
A fart noise app. A hateful, ignorant fart noise app that wilfully blames the wrong people for the smell.