Criminal Girls: Invite Only

Okay. You've peered, hopefully not leered, at the screenshots to the right. Yes, this is a well dodgy, genuinely 18+ / R-rated PS Vita game.

Is it lurid? Yes.

Is it inherently a bad game for it? Eh...

Mr Motivator

You've been left in charge of seven prisoners of questionable ages. As their keeper, it's up to you to "Motivate" them into learning new moves to fight weird monsters spread across the many levels of the underworld.

While your team does level up as you gain EXP from fighting, they won't learn any new abilities or net bonus stat boosts without spending CM, the game's in-game currency, on minigames.

These motivation minigames involve defeating "Temptations," shown as virus-like beasties. This entails whipping and cattle prodding various parts of the screen, with scantily clad, worryingly young-looking girls making suggestive poses in the background.

You'll be swiping, rubbing, and holding your fingers over parts of the touchscreen or rear touchpad to knock out these critters. If and when you invariably miss, you'll belt the lassie in the background, making her quiver and yelp.

It's more than enough to raise an eyebrow, especially after the purple cloud of fog obscuring much of the naughtiness starts to dissipate.

And now for something completely different

Random encounters in Criminal Girls are a pain, especially when you have to backtrack for "Girl's Wish" sidequests. There's no logic to which battles you can escape from, meaning you often have to waste time, HP, and MP on very weak foes.

Battles are turn-based, but very different from traditional RPGs. One girl appears in each corner of the screen, with foes in the centre. Each can attack with up to three of her allies, or use a special ability.

However, there is no menu for you to choose which move to use. Instead, one move is displayed for each girl, chosen either at random or triggered by a battle event. As you can only make one move per turn, you have to figure out which move will work out best.

This system is intriguingly different, but can be a hassle when you're waiting to break out a special move and your only options are single, basic attacks while a boss beats you into a pulp.

Overtly textual

You'll largely traverse a SNES-like RPG world of themed floors - lava, ice, forest, and so on. Flipping switches, unlocking gates, and bashing bosses are recurring themes.

The cutesy sprite stylings of the underworld jar with the detailed portraits of busty babes during story scenes. The localisation is deliberately risqué, laden with double entendres. They can always be auto-skipped with a strike of the Start button if need be.

Each girl has a different disposition, and you are occasionally required to choose an answer to a multiple choice question. Other than the immediate response, your decisions don't seem to make any overall difference, which makes you wonder why they're there in the first place.

A question of taste

Criminal Girls is as niche as it gets. As it stands, it's a curio that tests the boundaries of taste and acceptability, but it may just be worth picking up in a PlayStation Store sale down the line.

But please don't play it in public.

Criminal Girls: Invite Only

Criminal Girls: Invite Only's reliance on shock value puts the weakest part of the game in the limelight, obscuring the otherwise interesting battle mechanics
Score
Danny Russell
Danny Russell
After spending years in Japan collecting game developers' business cards, Danny has returned to the UK to breed Pokemon. He spends his time championing elusive region-exclusive games while shaking his fist at the whole region-locking thing.