Jubilee jamboree: Top 10 gaming kings, queens, and other monarchs

God Save the Queen (Metroid)

Jubilee jamboree: Top 10 gaming kings, queens, and other monarchs
iPhone + 3DS + PSP ...
| Super Princess Peach

Next week, we here in Britain celebrate Her Majesty The Queen's 60th year of throne hogging with street parties, copious amounts of bunting, and a four-day weekend. Cheers, Liz.

But, Elizabeth II is not the only non-elected ruler we're toasting here at Pocket Gamer Towers. Video games are stuffed with kings and queens, princes and princesses, counts, dukes, lords, and emperors.

To mark The Queen's Diamond Jubilee, we're decided to count down our favourite gaming monarchs, from benevolent rulers to cruel despots.

The King of All Cosmos (Me & My Katamari, PSP) gaming-monarchs-king-cosmos

The grumpy King of All Cosmos doesn't care much for his pint-size offspring, The Prince. He dispassionately waves off your achievements, and hurls insults if you mess up.

In the PSP's Me & My Katamari, the King would even string his son up and wail on him like a punching bag. All this, when the Prince is just trying to fix his old man's mistake: wrecking the entire universe during a royal bender.

Princess Zelda (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D, 3DS) gaming-monarchs-princess-zelda

Much like Mario's Princess Peach, Link's damsel in distress Zelda is always getting herself kidnapped, locked up, turned to stone, and lulled into an eternal slumber. Women, eh?

But, she can hold her own better than pink-and-cuddly Peach. Whether she's disguised as ninja assassin Sheik, loosing magic arrows, or leading a pirate clan as Tetra, Hyrule's Princess is one tough chick.

Count Dracula (Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles, PSP) gaming-monarchs-count-dracula

'Count' is usually a title reserved for aristocratic noblemen. In Castlevania, the distinctly ignoble Dracula is less aristocratic and more psychopathic. He tends to threaten entire realms with death and destruction, you see.

So, it's up to the extended Belmont family, or the Count's son Alucard, to repeatedly trudge through trap-filled castles and drive stakes (and axes and throwing knives and whips) through the dark lord's heartless heart.

In the Game Boy's parodic Kid Dracula, you'll play as the Count himself.

Princess Peach (Super Princess Peach, DS) gaming-monarchs-princess-peach

Peach doesn't have much luck in life. She's pretty much resigned herself to being kidnapped by turtles and then saved by a podgy plumber.

She finally got her starring role in kid-friendly DS platformer Super Princess Peach. In this game, her different abilities are triggered by changing her emotional state, so she bounces from joy to gloom and back every two seconds. Women, eh?

Napoleon Bonaparte (Rhythm Thief and the Emperor's Treasure, 3DS) gaming-monarchs-emperor-bonaparte

The titular monarch in Rhythm Thief is actually long-dead French political leader Napoleon Bonaparte, who's been brought back to life to help hunt down a bit of loot called The Dragon Crown.

Far from the genius military tactician of history lessons, Sega's Bonaparte is a buffoon who commands his choreographed robot army to an exacting beat. Which means that anyone with a working sense of rhythm can best him.

The God King (Infinity Blade, iPhone) gaming-monarchs-god-king

According to Infinity Blade lore, the so-called God King is a bit of a despot. He rules the land with an iron fist, and surrounds himself with sword-wielding bodyguards to scare off any would-be revolutionaries.

He's also pretty handy in a scuffle himself, lunging at you with an unstoppable barrage of attacks and leaving you barely an opening for a riposte. It'll take quite a few bloodlines to finally un-elect this jerk.

Palutena (Kid Icarus: Uprising, 3DS) gaming-monarchs-palutena

Lady Palutena - who is part-goddess, part-ruler of Angel Land - is the only reigning monarch on this list who knows she's actually a character in a video game.

In 3DS comeback Kid Icarus: Uprising, this sets up some truly funny conversations with headstrong Pit, as Palutena and Pit break the fourth wall and chat knowingly about their NES and Game Boy adventures.

Bowser (Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, DS) gaming-monarchs-king-bowser

Bully-boy Bowser might not look like monarch material, but between kidnapping events and golf tournaments he takes the throne as the King of the Koopas.

Like with Peach, Bowser's starring role finally came on DS. In Bowser's Inside Story, you control the turtle leader while the microscopic Mario brothers bounce around your major arteries.

King Mickey (Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep, PSP) gaming-monarchs-king-mickey

In Kingdom Hearts's patchwork world of Disney universes, it only makes sense for Mickey Mouse to be the king. He's kind and noble, but has no trouble dispatching Heartless with his keyblade.

The world's most famous rodent is playable in 358/2 Days's mission mode on DS. Complete every mission, and you'll be able to buy Mickey from the Moogle shop.

Queen Metroid (Metroid II: Return of Samus, Game Boy)
Deep in the bowels of lava-logged planet SR388, Queen Metroid single-handedly keeps her species going by producing new baby aliens.

In Metroid II, her day is slightly spoiled by a bounty hunter with a knapsack full of bombs.

The crocodile-like mother Metroid has a weak and mushy stomach, so Samus kills off this genetically elected monarch by planting a few bombs in her belly. Don't worry: she'll be back...

Mark Brown
Mark Brown
Mark Brown spent several years slaving away at the Steel Media furnace, finally serving as editor at large of Pocket Gamer before moving on to doing some sort of youtube thing.