Ten TV shows that should be made into pocket games

Strange as it may seem, the daytime television couch potato crowd and the upwardly, always-on-the-move mobile gaming crowd have a few shared interests. Games such as CSI, Lost, Golden Balls and Deal or No Deal have proved beyond doubt that not only are mobiles perfect for games based on TV shows, but that when done right (or just done, in reality) brand power can help carry the sales that extra mile.

But why just stick to mobile when the PSP and the DS have so much to offer? And indeed, why just stick to safe contemporary action dramas and game shows when there's so much untapped retro and kitsch appeal to be gleaned from the halcyon days of television, before internet porn and BitTorrent the internet came along and gave layabout people of leisure something else to do?

Behold then, an almost frightening insight into the entertainment that keeps the PG staff sane on their days off [their what? - Managing Ed] and a harrowing indication of what might happen, were any developers foolish enough to hand us the reigns of their next project.
Ten TV shows that should be pocket games

The A Team: DIY Army Platform: DS Tagline: I love it when a touchscreen plan comes together Obligatory mini-game: Shaving Mr T's head and facial hair arrangement as accurately as possible with the stylus There's little preamble to The A Team: DIY Army, with only the reassuring stomp of the theme tune ushering in the stages. Each mission's opening cut-scene shoots straight to the action with Hannibal, Faceman, BA, Murdock and the random girl starting the level already captured, locked in either an abandoned garage, mine, shipyard or the like. So stylus in hand, and in the style of games such as The Incredible Machine, you have to build an impressive weapon of war out of a few planks of wood, rusty fence poles and a tyreless rusted Cadillac propped up on bricks. Then it's time to take down some bad guys in a full-on 3D action shooter; with non-lethal force, of course, making it ideal for Nintendo platforms (as long as you conveniently ignore the message that the way out of situations is to be considerably more violent than your adversary).
My Name is Earl: Eternal Circle Platform: PSP Tagline: Karma's gonna get you Obligatory mini-game: With Earl asleep you, as Randy, have to clip his toenails without waking him My Name is Earl: Eternal Circle starts off a simple enough experience. Set in small town America, with dim-witted brother Randy in tow, you wander around a free-roaming environment doing whatever the hell you please: stealing from tip jars, parking in handicapped spots, going to sex anonymous support groups to pick up girls, etc. But after a hour of such fun, it's time for payback as you're automatically provided with a list of activities you now have to fix. The good news, however, is that once completed the game reverts back to its original state so you can go bad all over again.
The Wire: We've Got You Tapped Platform: Mobile Tagline: Your phone bill's going down in the hole Obligatory mini-game: McNulty's multiple choice scenes where the correct answer is always 'What the f*ck did I do?' Ideally suited for a game about hooking into drug dealers' conversations, The Wire: We've Got You Tapped uses the full features of your mobile including MP3 downloads, voice mail and camera. You play various members of the investigation team and have to make calls on your own phone in conjunction with the onscreen video footage to confirm who's making those calls. You'll also have to make sense of garbled voice mails and MP3 audio files you have to download from warez sites. And, yes, your phone will ring at least once a week, late at night, when you're getting all romantic in the bedroom.
Airwolf: Aeronautics 101 Platform: PSP Tagline: Mq(t)+(C+G)q(t)+(K)q(t)=f(t) Obligatory mini-game: A virtual chemistry kit is provided so you can prove Archangel's suit could never remain that spotlessly white Ah, Stringfellow Hawke, the fictional pilot with the most ridiculous name in aviation history (apart from James Bigglesworth, of course). But what's even more ridiculous are the engineering lapses behind the series. A supersonic helicopter with afterburners? A rotating rocket launcher? Ernest Borgnine as co-pilot? Airwolf: Aeronautics 101 would demonstrate such errors with its cutdown aerodynamic simulator in which you can place helicopters of different shapes and weight distributions, and prove, without doubt, that no powerplant is powerful enough to propel Borgnine at Mach speeds. But it's not just fun. Complete the mission and you'll be awarded a qualification good enough to get you into any second-rate engineering school.
Columbo: Enough Rope Platform: Mobile Tagline: There is, just one more thing… Obligatory mini-game: An amateur mechanics affair in which you fix up your forever failing 1959 Peugeot 403 Cabriolet convertible Why there hasn't been a game about this unlikely rumpled detective is anyone's guess. We would be hoping for plenty of mileage out of the famous 'just one more thing' line so an episodic point-and-click adventure is really the only way we could be satisfied. Of course, Columbo is all about the dupe, so while the other cops are busy dealing with hard evidence like murder weapons and forced points of entry, you would spend the game fooling the suspect with questions about where they like to go on holiday and what kind of chewing gum they favour until eventually they trust your apparent bumbling ineptitude enough to let their guard down and say something incriminating. The final self-deprecating puzzle would be finding out what Columbo's first name actually is.
The X Files: Forbidden Jurisdiction Platform: PSP Tagline: You can't handle the truth Obligatory mini-game: Numerous late nights in shared hotel rooms where, slightly tipsy from the mini-bar, you have to avoid lingering eye contact with your partner or it's game over The X Files: Forbidden Jurisdiction would make for an engaging PSP thriller but the emphasis would have to be on investigation for it to work – as tough as David Duchovny tries to look, he just isn't much cop with a gun. So playing half and half as Fox Moulder and Dana Scully – each with their respective 'aliens did it' and 'there's a scientific explanation for this' perspectives – you would, in turn, have to collect enough relevant but contradictory evidence to solve the case either way. But then the cigarette smoking man would arrive, wade in, assume jurisdiction and you'd never be any wiser.
Ready Steady Cook Touch Platform: DS Tagline: Didn't mother tell you not to play with your food? Obligatory mini-game: Using the mic to blow – and secretly spit – on hot food before using the stylus to feed a hungry Ainsley Harriott One of the big questions in life is: Are you a red tomato or a green pepper? The DS already has some cooking games but none with the over the top personality that Ainsley Harriott could deliver. So pick between a range of big cartoon headed versions of Brunch-list television personalities not even famous enough these days to get cameos on The Bill, and then prepare truly stomach-churning dishes you can come up with using only the most mismatched ingredients sourced, of course, from the 'special offer' shelf of the local garage. Taking turns to play the red tomato and green pepper sides, extra points would be awarded for choosing the correct sly putdowns about the quality of the personalities' most recent panto performances. Frankly, this would be a very bitter game.
The Mighty Boosh: Jazz Triangle Platform: mobile Tagline: Come with us on a journey through time and space Obligatory mini-game: A move-pulling contest as Vince where you have to effect as many Jagger poses as possible in 30 seconds In typical Mighty Boosh style, the zany plot would revolve around Howard Moon and Vince Noir (who will be sporting the sexy female cyborg look) in a surreal platform adventure where they travel to America to track down the soul of jazz so that Howard can realise his potential as a jazz triangle player. Discovering their plan, Dixon Bainbridge, who can't stand jazz , tries to put a stop to their quest by unleashing a flock of specially trained glo-stick totting 'techno-geese' who are ordered to peck anyone wearing a turtle neck to death on sight. Rather than a health meter, you rely on a style meter for Vince Noir which ensures you have to keep his hair and clothes pristine throughout the game. Howard Moon would have a jazz meter that gradually counts down throughout the game, Prince of Persia-style. Fail to reach the end of your quest before Howard's jazz inspiration runs out and it's game over.
EastEnders: Big Mouth Platform: mobile Tagline: You ain't my mum! etc Obligatory mini-game: A text-based effort where Phil Mitchell says something and you have to translate it into English There is no way that anyone willing to make this game could come up with a series of plot lines as phenomenally dreary as those that feature in the real show, so this has to be an unscripted Sims-style adventure, in which all of the characters are prone to rotten luck. But rather than watch your Sim version of Bianca or Ian Beale lead a happy and fulfilling life, your job will be to steer their situation from bad to worse in the quest for better ratings. The show has already proven that there is nothing more exhilarating than revelling in the poor fortune that befalls other people, so the opportunity to take control of such a slipping down life – with regular, automatic YouTube uploads – would surely be even more addictive than the soap.
Peep Show: You Looking at Me? Platform: PSP Tagline: Immerse yourself in the seedy underbelly of your own mind Obligatory mini-game: Polishing Super Hans' white trailers with bleach and a toothbrush while also attempting to mix Persil with Pro Plus for a freshers' week cash-in Originally sold as a cheap tie-in to the Bafta-winning TV show, the game, Peep Show: You Looking at Me?, started to become problematic during the first design session. "You do know it's all about internal monologues?" queried the junior producer, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead while eyeing up the attractive fortysomething head of marketing. "Young stud. He's gagging for it," thought the divorced mother of two. "Yes, Sean. Good point. Let's break and discuss it down the pub." "Oh, god, she's doing it again," thought the corporate lawyer, who'd already dealt with previous sexual harassment claims. "I'd like to point out we're still in office hours," he said. "Nightmare. We'd already be lucky to get 5/10 from Pocket Gamer with this," thought the lead designer. "Wonder if I should try for that job at Nokia?"