PlayStation Vita Pets

When it comes to kid-friendly games, Sony's output has always been proficient rather than spectacular.

EyePet, Invizimals, and Wonderbook were all solid titles for little-'uns, which suffered from a lack of marketing.

With PlayStation Vita Pets, it feels like history is repeating itself. Here's another kid's title snuck out by Sony with virtually no fanfare whatsoever.

And on top of that, the game brings back uncomfortable memories of a Nintendo DS software line-up crowded with cuddly fur bags.

Worse still, PlayStation Vita Pets replaces a dog's most endearing qualities with the most painfully aggravating human traits.

Rather than adorably woofing, the dogs here witlessly quip like sub-Disney sidekicks. Rather than cheerfully bounding after balls, these mutts sit there and ridicule your throwing technique.

You're supposed to like your pets. It's kind of crucial. Unfortunately, the critters here are more infuriating than endearing.

Walkies

Aside from the pets themselves, the game is overwhelmingly nice. It takes place on the pleasant Castlewood Island, and weaves together a non-threatening Famous Five-esque adventure.

Following journal entries from the amusingly-named King Rufus and his beloved pooch Cosmo, you roam around the island solving basic puzzles. It's an unexpected angle for a game about virtual pets, but it's a welcome change all the same.

You get the impression that, if it hadn't been burdened with developing a game about annoying pets, Spiral House could've created a rather charming adventure instead.

The world is inviting, if a little uninspired, and the game's structure could almost be described as Zelda-like. It relies on backtracking and discovering new skills to reach previously inaccessible areas.

Unfortunately there's also an odd focus on grinding which brings to mind the worst bits of Japanese RPGs. To upgrade your skills you have to plough through simplistic touchscreen mini-games.

These include chucking sticks, completing obstacle courses, and playing with a tug toy. And they're all utterly joyless.

It's hard to baulk at simplicity in a game designed for kids, but you have to question whether a child is going to have the patience to repeat the same touchscreen prompts over and over again, just to build up the strength to pull a heavy door.

Adoption

In parts the light adventuring and exploration are surprisingly appealing.

But if what you really want is to mess around with a vaguely realistic virtual pet, you're going to be disappointed.

Whichever breed you choose, whether male or female, the dogs are just irritating.

They're not cute or believable enough to be a replacement for a real dog. Neither are they funny enough to be charismatic characters in their own right.

PlayStation Vita Pets feels like an awkward halfway house between pet sim and easy adventure. And it's laden with problems to boot.

Stroking a dog while he expresses his appreciation in human tones is just as disturbing as it sounds. Voice commands fail constantly, sapping the enjoyment out of training your dog, and making naming him entirely pointless.

There's some fairly decent customisation on offer, but it's nothing we haven't already seen in dozens of free mobile and flash games.

Sadly, decking out your pooch with wacky wigs and outfits isn't enough fun to make a purchase worthwhile.

All of the problems of PlayStation Vita Pets stem from one decision - giving the dogs voices.

It steals away the game's charm, and breeds an uncomfortable identity crisis too. It all smacks of a complete misunderstanding of what makes a pet sim appealing.

And unfortunately, despite some nice ideas, these are issues that the game never manages to get over.

PlayStation Vita Pets

It's a pleasant adventure, but this is still a dog you won't want to take home
Score
Matt Suckley
Matt Suckley
Achingly contrarian. Proud owner of an N-Gage and a PSP Go. Matt spends most of his time writing about indie games of which you've never heard. Like that one, yes. Matt is an English student, and largely terrible at games. Go figure.