Let me set the scene for this news post with a noise...
Oh, no, wait! That's not a pirate sound; that's a farmer sound. Dammit.
To hide any further embarrassment, let me cut to the chase: Assassin's Creed Pirates is on sale for iOS and Android.
This Bronze Award-winning shanty-'em-up will now set you back just £1.99 / $2.99, which is almost certainly roughly what it might be worth(-ish).
At review, we called it "a big silly game full of repetitive combat and simple missions". We then added that "Assassin's Creed Pirates somehow still manages to be fun".
Nope, that's a dinosaur.