5 sim games we want to see on iOS and Android

Partly because Transport Tycoon has just come out for iOS and Android, and partly because there isn't any news, we've decided to compile a list of the five old school sims we'd love to see on our smartphones and tablets.

You'll probably disagree with some of our suggestions, sure. That's okay, though: it just means that you're different from us. And different is sometimes good.

Feel free to post your own Top 5 sim lists in the comments section below. Oh, and then argue among yourselves about who's right, righter, and right-est.

Before doing that, mind, have a browse through our choices. You never know - we might actually have taken this feature seriously and made some valid points.

It's from the same stable as Transport Tycoon but it's about roller coasters. Everyone knows coasters are way cooler than any other method of getting from 'A' to 'A' via loop-the-loops and massive drops.

Rollercoaster Tycoon is very much cut from a similar gameplay cloth to its predecessor, so, yes, there are different scenarios for you to complete.

Instead of laying down boring train tracks, though, you're building super-exciting log flumes and giant sprawling death-coasters.

Imagine running a hospital on your iPad. Now, imagine that hospital was the funniest in the world. (Yes, funnier even than Sacred Heart.)

Well, if Theme Hospital were to come out for iOS this afternoon, you wouldn't have to imagine any more. You could just play it.

Theme Hospital was built by Bullfrog in a decade known as the '90s. In the game itself, you oversee the comings and goings at a hospital full of crazy patients and doctors.

You need to manage the budget, add new wards, and make sure people with hideous injuries think your treatment facility is the best treatment facility in the area.

"Oh, but you can already play The Sims on mobile."

Shut up.

We're talking about the proper The Sims, with all the emotionally draining attachment and none of the free-to-play silliness.

We demand to be able to manipulate the existence of a defenceless life form from the comfort of our smartphones and tablets.

What better thing to meddle with than someone's life. Sure, rollercoasters and comedy injuries are great, but making people sad and then locking them in a room is way better.

It's a god sim. But the god is a giant tiger and he can poop on the people who worship him. And then throw that poop around and destroy their houses.

I don't know how else to sell this to you.

Furthermore, you can slap a giant monkey if it does something wrong. Or stroke it if it does something right. Or swap those things around and reinforce terrible behaviour.

Sure, it might be a little overrated, and it was made by my archnemesis Peter Molyneux, but monkeys and tigers and poop!

Wait, what the hell is Stronghold? Oh, it's a Dungeons & Dragons-themed city builder where you have to keep Elves, Dwarves, and humans happy inside the walls of your stronghold.

And then you get attacked and you've got to repel the attackers. So, it's like a sim but made up... and with some combat in it. Based on a pen-and-paper RPG.

Build armies, build houses, beat up monsters, and drink mead. What more could you want from a video game? I don't know.