The Buzz: Virtual Bee-ality
This week, The Bee explores Second Life
The Bee is private insider, but somewhere he exists. This is true and can be confirmed by many authorities in my country, including dentist, drug police, game shop girl, Alan, muffin baker, bicycle mechanic, Andelko, goat cheese seller, speedboat rescue, and Mrs Bee.
You may think it is strange that The Bee must be private, but not only The Bee is private with the internet. How do I know? It is because this week in Russia a meeting of politics was interrupted by gigantic flying penis.
Rewind. Please welcome to my guide to Second Life.
Virtual Bee-ality
Background
Second Life is virtual reality world where lonely people with computers log-on and make avatars with names. They move their avatars around and next to other avatars to talk with them, carefully avoiding the subject of failure in the real world, which they call 'First Life'.
You know all about it. Second Life is big enough so Duran Duran want to play a virtual concert (they did not, but they have made this song called Zoom In. It is not good).
Companies as IBM have meetings inside it and Universities have open days and even a series of reality programme Big Brother happened inside it. Some avatars stayed stuck in a virtual place with no moving for days. The people controlling them have done the same in an actual place for years.
Residents in Second Life have property and make things which they sell to other residents of Second Life for 'Linden Dollars' that can convert as real money. One of them is called Anshe Chung and she had made to sell so much that she has converted more than a million dollars to spend in First Life!
However it is curious she still resides in Second Life also. The Bee would be her friend! In fact, Mrs Bee? Who is Mrs Bee? I don't know her!
That is a joke. The Bee will stay with his wife. But maybe The Bee will have two wives, one of them in Second Life and one also in First Life. This has happened already.
Marrying
If you like it you can be married in Second Life. To do it you can go to places like Marcio Moo's Moo'nlight Chapel where Mr Moo will do a ceremony to you. He will say, 'you are married!' and take 8,000 Linden Dollars (about $30). Of course it is demented but it is romantic!
But sometimes it is infidelity, when somebody in Second Life is married to somebody and in First Life to somebody else. Ric Hoogestraat (a.k.a. Dutch Hoorenbeek) is one example. He is married in First Life to Sue, and in Second Life to Janet Spielman (a.k.a. Tenaj Jackalope).
Sue does not like it. She says, "You try to talk to someone or bring them a drink, and they'll be having sex with a cartoon."
The Bee is sorry, but that is hilarious.
Sue now attends a support group for wives called EverQuest Widows.
Also hilarious..bmp)
Having sex
Maybe Mrs Hoogestraat must be grateful that Dutch Hoorenbeek is not visiting with prostitutes in Second Life. If you give Linden Dollars to an escort she will have sex with you.
The Bee is not sure how this works either but he knows there is a device to stimulate genitals. It is called Teledildonics. One person plugs it with a computer USB and one other person miles away presses a keyboard button. Buzzzzz!.bmp)
The mafia
Perhaps it would be easy for Mrs Hoogestraat to extinguish Dutch Hoorenbeek, she can make him 'whacked' by the mafia. One famous mafia in Second Life is retired Marcellus Wallace. He has belonged to a crime organisation that runs prostitution, gambling, extortion, and killing.
To kill a Second Life resident Marcellus Wallace was genius and subtle. He bullied them with messages and they left.
So you can see that Marcellus Wallace is intimidating, here are some words exchanged on a forum in 2005.
Marcellus: "You can intimidate players and you can harm them. Believe it or not you can exert control over Lindens (Lindens own the game) as well… They just may not know they are in your control."
NekoDaimyo: "The SL Mafias exerting control over Lindens?.. Please. If you're a role-playing group, just come out and say it- don't spew forth such incredulous delusions of grandeur."
Marcellus: "it's not possible? That's like saying that the US Government is not corruptible because of who they are. Come on now, who's really having delusions of grandeur here??? It is very possible. Time to think outside that little gaming box of yours."
Marcellus 1, Neko 0!
.bmp)
Terrorist
Marcellus Wallace may be retired, but if you believe the US government Second Life still is unsafe. Congress has said at a conference that it is used by Al Qaida to recruit terrorists and launder money!
That is why nobody should listen to the US government.
There is however some real terrorism and anarchy. Residents named as 'griefers' have deployed bombs to destroy 'property', proliferated Marios to crash servers, and made obscenity like swastikas. Most famous, a group Room 101 made a nuisance for our friend Anshe Chung.
Ms Chung had a staged interview with a CNET reporter in 2006 and while it happened several giant penises attacked. Boom!
Fast forward.
Thanks to Second Life idea, this week in Russia chess tyrant Gary Kasparov was in a meeting in First Life and a giant flying penis interrupted. Fantastic!
Enjoy watching Gary Kasparov under the hovering penis!
The Bee is an industry insider who has fed on the nectar of over three decades' worth of gaming. All opinions expressed are the author's own.