Best mobile games to play this Valentine's Day - The Haters

Love is just a game

Best mobile games to play this Valentine's Day - The Haters

Valentine's Day? To borrow a grumpy response from that other over-hyped day of celebration: Bah, humbug.

We've already run through the games to play if you're the sort who actively looks forward to a day of nauseatingly commercialised acts of affection.

Have they all gone? Good. Now that the kids have cleared off, the adults can talk about the only sane response to Valentine's Day.

This one's for the haters - whether you be single and bitter or just opposed to all this contrived amorousness.

Slayaway Camp

Fancy a cute casual puzzler to while away Valentine's Day? Of course you don't. How about a hyper-violent casual puzzler, then?

Slayaway Camp's mixture of block-slider puzzling and gory finishing moves, along with its schlocky '80s slasher movie aesthetic, might be better suited to Halloween for some. But not for you and I, right? Right.


Is there an App Store game that leaves you feeling as exquisitely dreary and melancholic as Limbo? If so, we can't think of one.

This tale of a scared and lonely boy running through a gruesome underworld filled with supernatural horrors is just about the antithesis of that syrupy Valentine's Day vibe. Go on, embrace the misery.

The Banner Saga 2

Continuing the downbeat theme, The Banner Saga 2 is a brutal RPG where no good deed goes unpunished, lives are destroyed, and no one gets to live happily ever after.

It's also a thoroughly engrossing and time-consuming adventure - just perfect for a solitary player wallowing in their own antipathy to Valentine's Day.

The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth

The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth casts you as a child escaping sacrifice at the hands of its fundamentalist mother. You must then fight through randomised dungeons against hideous monsters using your tears as projectiles.

Okay, so it's not your typical Valentine's Day experience. But that's kind of the point, right?

Party Hard Go

Fed up of love? Feeling a little sociopathic on this most lovey-dovey of days? Allow us to point you in the direction of Party Hard Go.

This darkly comic game puts you in the role of a psycho killer and asks you to stop a party in as grisly and inventive a way as possible. If that's not the perfect antidote to Valentine's Day-induced nausea, I don't know what is.

Jon Mundy
Jon Mundy
Jon is a consummate expert in adventure, action, and sports games. Which is just as well, as in real life he's timid, lazy, and unfit. It's amazing how these things even themselves out.