There's a very good chance I'm going to side-swipe a Yeti. I had no idea that skiing was such a dangerous pastime.
It's okay, though, because if I save up enough pine cones, I can pay a penguin and his friends to build me a tunnel.
Dudeski definitely occupies a spot at the preposterous end of the sport genre spectrum. It's joyfully silly, but still manages to be a slick and enjoyable retro-styled slope slider.
It's the sort of game where you can grab onto an escaping helicopter and end up being challenged by a flightless bird to beat a slalom score when you land.
There's a twitchy simplicity to play that means anyone can have a go. There's also a rich degree of challenge here that means conquering the mountain is something of a digital achievement.
After a brief tutorial, you're left to attack the slopes at your own pace. By tapping a button on the left of the screen, you slide left. By tapping one on the right, you slide right.
By holding both these buttons down, you prepare for a jump. By lifting your digits, you are propelled into the air.
This being the mobile arena, you're being chased down the hill by an avalanche, which catches up with you when you miss slalom gates or crash into bushes.
You need to keep ahead of the tumbling wall of snow, weave through a host of obstacles (from trees to rock formations to stomping Abominable Snowmen), and grab as many pine cones as you can.
You can spend these on single-run bonuses that enable you to absorb a collision or a trip, or to tweak your skis to make you slide even faster.
Alternatively, you can hand over your pine cone cash to some penguins in exchange for them building a tunnel to the different sections of the mountain, letting you start farther down.
Dudeski revels in its quick-blast nonsense, laying its shtick on fierce and fast from the first time you play.
And it makes for an experience that's hard not to like. It's not fresh, but it is exciting. And each catastrophic fall and surprising close call result in your taking a step further to conquering the white beast beneath your feet.