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It's the only thing that anyone's talking about right now. It's lit up papers and websites all over the world, and instilled a sense of national pride in a country severely divided by recent political turmoil. A statement made in Russia that has echoed through the corridors of power all across the globe.

I am, of course, talking about the revelation in a BBC interview that Harry Kane spends most of his time playing Fortnite in the England camp at the World Cup.

The excellent footballist, but unsurprisingly poor conversationalist, explained his obvious addiction to the build-and-battle-royale game in a heart-wrenching chat with Gabby Logan. I say heart-wrenching, I actually mean a bit awkward and difficult to watch.

But what does the interview tell us about the mood in England's Russian base (oooh it's like a spy film), what skills might Fortnite have taught “the lads,” and, more importantly, has Fortnite opened up the road for England to finally win the World Cup again?


Shooting. I mean, that's just common sense. It's a game about shooting, and it was shooting that got the team through to the quarter finals. Penalty shooting, rather than ludicrous shooting, but the basic idea is pretty similar.

Except, of course, in Fortnite you want to hit people, and in football you want to miss people. So if anything, they should not be playing Fortnite. Unless they're really, really bad at it, in which case it's the perfect game.


Well, there's a lot of building in football, right? Building attacks, building walls to defend against free kicks. Building the expectations of a nation with dramatic penalty shootout wins against teams ranked lower than you. That sort of thing.

Okay this one's probably a bit tenuous as well. After all, if England could have just shot out bricks to create walls they wouldn't have had to worry about Columbia scoring any goals at all. Okay then, moving on.

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There's a team mode in Fortnite right? So I'm guessing if the England players are playing together they're learning each other's strengths and weaknesses. They're coming to understand how to work better as a unit instead as a group of individuals.

Unless of course they're playing in solo mode, in which case they're learning the opposite. Or, in footballing terms, they're doing a Portugal. Either way, I'm sure scientific analysis could easily prove that Fortnite was doing nothing for them in either regard.


Fortnite is really good at advertising. That's why it's making so much money. Also it's fun, but it's mainly the advertising that's getting people involved. So perhaps the plucky young whippersnappers could learn something about better selling themselves?

Well, no. Because football is a billion dollar industry and the men who play it make utterly obscene amounts of money. Quite frankly if I was paid as much as they were and did the my-job-equivalent of missing a penalty I'd probably get fired.

So will Fortnite help England win the world cup?

No. Of course not. That's a ludicrous suggestion. It probably just helps the team relax when they're not practicing ball-kicking, ball-catching, and ball-chasing. Honestly, did you really think Fortnite would make the slightest bit of difference?

Or, in the style of every commentator last night - "Fortnite didn't have anything to do with this victory." Breathless pause. "Or did it?"

No. It didn't.