"But just how is it improving my life", you ask.
GOD, you're demanding - not enough for a free game to just be fun now, then? Has to improve your life, does it? Fine!
You can finally escape our dimension and enter the realm of Pokemon… kinda
Remember when you were a kid, and you dreamed of teleporting out of this history lesson on the Tudors and into Pallet Town, with your newly caught Pikachu in tow, off to the Pokemon League?
Well now we can do that! In real life! Kind of! Yay! Exclamation mark!
You get to meet people
Already, in my neighbourhood, I've seen groups of people coming together to catch Pokemon or challenge gyms, and there's not been ONE mention of fisticuffs or arguments over which starter is best yet*.
Hooray for humanity!
It's like being back in the 90s
Ahhh, the 90s. A time of terrible hair, terrible clothes, and terrible music.
But one thing that dark, dark time did have going for it was the Pokemon craze.
Everyone was obsessed with it: the video games, the card game, the figurines, the anime, the clothes - everything. And it's BACK, baby!
Time to get sweet revenge for all the times in high school your 'cool' friends told you Pokemon wasn't 'cool' any more. I bet they've just caught their 36th Rattata of the day. Nerds.
FINALLY I own a Pidgey
Before Pokemon GO, there was a huge Pidgey-shaped hole in my life.
Not any more.
Now, I'm pretty sure I own all the Pidgeys in the northern hemisphere. If you ever want to arrange a Pidgey race, holla at me, yeah?
Discovering new places
I've lived in sunny Bristol my whole life, yet the hit new game Pokemon GO has gotten me up off my feet and into new places, all with a spring in my step!
With Pokemon GO, you too can discover…
- That creepy school your parents nearly sent you to
- The house that smells of deconstituted rat droppings
… and so much more!
It stops your parents moaning… for a bit
They'll initially be pleased you're outside, but they'll find some way to moan. They always do.
"Stop looking at your phone."
"Take a jumper, you'll catch a death going out in that."
"Stop having fun", you know the sort.
Because there's nothing better than getting some fresh air in your lungs and lactic acid in your legs, right?
*It's obviously Bulbasaur.
Want more? Check out our 23 other Pokemon GO features!