5 Nintendo movies that will probably come out, one day or another
Coming soon to a Netflix queue near you
Nintendo is back making movies, it seems. Here are five flicks that will almost certainly be made.
Metroid - Love is Norfair!Ditzy bounty hunter Samus Aran is looking for love in all the wrong places... Planet Zebes! All she wants to do is find a man, but all she can find is energy tanks and missile upgrades.
Will this unlucky-in-love lass ever find her knight in shining Varia armour, or is she doomed to explore the depths of Brinstar alone?
Starring Scarlett Johansson as Samus Aran, Melissa McCarthy as Samus's foul-mouthed gal pal Mother Brain, and Jack Black as the X Virus parasite.
Star Fox: Zero to HeroYou'd think this sci-fi film about a team of anthropomorphised animals in spaceships should be made in CGI or done with puppets. But you'd be wrong!
This live action film has acting superstars revealing their fursonas live on screen, as they sport furry ears and tiny tails. At one point a man in a rabbit costume will say "Do a barrel roll" and then quit acting forever.
Starring Bill Hader as Fox McCloud, Matthew Rhys as Falco Lombardi, and Jack Black as Slippy Toad.
Legend of Zelda: Link's ReawakeningHollywood once again tries to RUIN OUR CHILDHOODS by recasting Link as a woman. Despite the IMPORTANT LORE that says the hero of time must be a boy and CAN WOMEN EVEN USE SWORDS?
Also Ganondorf is a woman and Princess Zelda is a man in a dress. SJWs, you've done it again.
Starring Emilia Clarke as Link, Penelope Cruz as Ganondorf, Chris Hemsworth as Zelda, and Jack Black as Tingle.
F-Zero OriginsThis one is basically just The Wachowski Sisters's Speed Racer movie, which I thought was rubbish but it seems to have gained a cult following in recent years.
So just take that film, remove all the wheels from the cars, and insert the phrase "FALCON PUNCH!!" into almost every line of dialogue.
Starring Ben Affleck as Captain Falcon, Ken Watanabe as Samurai Goroh, and Jack Black as Mr. EAD.
Wario Ware: Smooth MoviesA harrowing biopic about the rise of a small-time entrepreneur, to the maniacal chief executive of a massive video game empire. In his relentless quest for power, Wario loses everything dear to him: his wife, his son, and the respect of his peers as he churns out nonsense games about picking your nose.
In the end, he bashes a man's head in with a bowling pin, only to do it 20 more times, each time faster than the one before.
Starring Jack Black as Wario, Joesph Gordon-Levitt as 9-Volt, and Stephen Merchant as Waluigi.