What's with all these weird yellow monsters then?
Well, you've clearly been living in a cave for the past few years so let me fill you in. These are the titular minions from the behemoth Despicable Me franchise. Oh, you have heard of them? Then why did you ask?
Why are they all so happy?
Because they're on holiday! Well, they were until Phil (that's the nerdy looking minion with the glasses) crashed their cruise ship by accident. It's okay though because he's setting up his own little island paradise to cheer them all up.
How do you cheer up a minion?
Well, oddly enough you give them mundane tasks to do like picking coconuts, napping, or whacking pinatas. They love doing stuff like that.
Really? That's their favourite thing?
Well, it's not their favourite thing. Their favourite thing is partying and that's the primary goal of Minions Paradise. Every action they perform gives you party points and when you reach a set number of those you level up and all of your minions have a lovely little party. Awww, they're all so happy.
What do they do for fun when they're not partying?
Well, they love a good minigame and there are tons of those here. My favourite is the one where you ride on the back of a shark to collect golden shark teeth.
What do you get out of all this?
Well, for a start it's free, like all of the best things in life. Other than that ordering minions around is incredibly satisfying. There's a lot of micromanagement involved as you try and keep all of your minions productive but there's also a lot of fun to be had in the minigames.
So it's not like all those other free to play games then?
Well, it is kind of. You're still spending most of your time managing things and earning the varying different types of in-game currency to spend on new minions, buildings, and interactive items. That being said, it never really forces you to spend your own money so you can just enjoy the game at a leisurely pace.
Anything else to add before I go?
Well, if you love minions you're going to love this game, but even if you don't there's a ton of fun to be had here. Ordering your minions around and playing minigames is really satisfying, and you're constantly being rewarded for the actions you perform. It's also ridiculously good looking that rivals even the visuals of the films.
Alright! You've convinced me. I'm downloading it now
Good man - add me as a friend so we can organise a sick party together. God, I'm an adult.