I want to punch Mr Jump in his face. I want to drown him in a river of spit and toenail clippings. But mostly I want to get him to the end of the third level of this stupid game.
And there are twelve levels of this auto-running frustration. Twelve. The first one is a simple enough leap-'em-up, the second one adds double jump boosts, and the third becomes a weird mash-up of what's come before and Flappy Bird.
But somehow it works. It's a hateful experience, and you'll probably swear your entire face off while you're playing, but you'll still wrap your clammy palms around your phone and try to get to the end.
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