It might come as a surprise to many, but some people don't like football. Yep, even here in England. Nope, not even during the World Cup.
That's why this period, during the start of the European football season, can be a glum time for those averse the game. All those football top-wearing, drunken fans taking over pubs, and the bores at work talking about the weekend's game.
Hey, I'm a fan of the beautiful game and even I can agree with you on those points.
The trouble is, football being the world's biggest sport and all, it's provided the inspiration for some excellent iOS games. And we're not talking about yawnsome sim games like FIFA or Football Manager either.
These six games are only very fairly loosely related to football, despite their names and appearances. In fact, we'd venture to say even died-in-the-wool footie haters will get some kicks out of this lot.
It would be a shame to miss out.Uppercup Football
By Motion-Twin - download on iPhone and iPad (free)
Uppercup Football offers about as much insight into the real game of football as Martin Keown. Which, unlike said gangly former Arsenal centre back, is part of its appeal.
Like some unholy mash-up of Speedball and Worms, Uppercup Football has you punting a variety of balls - bowling balls, NFL balls, bombs - across a range of pitches and against a bunch of wacky teams using a single virtual button.Pro Zombie Soccer
By Super Awesome Hyper Dimensional Mega Team - buy on iPhone and iPad (£1.49 / $1.99)
Pro Zombie Soccer plays a bit like Plants vs Zombies if you scrapped all the plant-based defence nonsense and simply took to booting balls at the undead instead.
It's a glorified shooting gallery, essentially, but with gorgeous comic book graphics and an Angry Birds-like firing system.Flick Kick Football
By PikPok Games - buy on iPhone and iPad (£1.49 / $1.99)
The grandaddy of casual footy games on iOS, Flick Kick Football, might not have moved with the times in terms of full 4-inch screen support, but it's still one of the best around.
You must literally flick footballs into the net, applying ridiculous amounts of curve to get around static defenders and moving goalies. It's a formula that's often been copied but never bettered.Tiny Goalie
By Fat Fish Games - download on iPhone and iPad (free)
We reviewed Tiny Goalie's sister game, Tiny Striker, here on PG, but it's a bit too similar to Flick Kick Football to make our list. Besides, Tiny Goalie is even simpler and better suited to football haters.
It's simple really. You swipe left and right to save incoming shots. If you let one in, or get hit by a bottle, your highscore run ends. Add in some lovely pixel-art graphics and we defy anyone to say they hate this.Soccer Physics
By Otto Ojala - buy on iPhone and iPad (£1.49 / $1.99)
Soccer Physics wins the award for the funniest game on this list, without doubt. There's just one button to worry about here, which makes your hand-drawn duo of footballers jump in the air and kick out.
If a body part makes contact with the ball, great. If not, the player will probably topple over, and subsequent button presses will launch you off at an odd angle. Knock-about physics, random gameplay, and same-handset multiplayer make this a hoot.Kind of Soccer
By Christian Schnellmann - buy on iPhone and iPad (69p / 99c)
Even the term "Kind of Soccer" is stretching it here. This is a game all about bullying the ref, a concept that surely has universal appeal even among non-football fans.
Your players stand around in a loosely arranged, static circle. The ref legs it in between. Using a time-honoured pull-back-and-release targeting system, you must bring him down with the ball. Oof!