Scallywags casts you as a trigger-happy pirate walrus named Slappy Jack.
How in the name of Blackbeard's cutlass could it NOT be amazing?
Oh, yes - by being a tired on-rails shooter. That's how.
Free of scurvy
While it shares a similar name and light-hearted pirate theme with Scurvy Scallywags, this here Scallywags is not to be confused with Ron Gilbert's game.
This is a deeply casual shooting gallery that requires you to tap on a series of critters as they pop up out of the sea (or the clouds, depending on the world). You can also cue multiple targets up by dragging across them.
Using this tactic, though, you risk hitting the TNT packs that are often embedded in the rickety rock formations that hold your targets. While the resulting explosion will finish off the tougher baddies in super-quick time, it will also scare others off.
In addition to this, you have to quickly hoover up the coins that each felled enemy deposits before your foe sinks beneath the waves.
All at sea
There's very little variation between levels here. Each stage is a rushed tap-a-thon, with the only minor shift in approach caused by the shifting bonus requirements.
Each level contains three of these, which might include only targeting two enemies at a time or avoiding the swag altogether.
The trouble is that the controls aren't quite precise enough to make these specific goals fun to execute. Too often, you'll find yourself accidentally targeting a TNT box or an enemy on account of the game's generous lock-on system.
I quickly found myself giving up on trying for anything too precise and resorting to mindless screen scrubbing. Which, while effective, gets boring very fast. The boss fights add a little variety, sure, but it's all the same tap-to-target stuff.
Scallywags is as bright, breezy, and accessible as a pirate-themed CBeebies show. Sadly, it's also as repetitive and dull as one of those children's programmes. In summary, this isn't suitable for anyone seeking a little more bite from her entertainment.