A massive lorry carrying a precious cargo of metal pipes hurtling at full speed down a road of sheet ice punctuated only by snow drift ramps that you have to jump over. You might think that it would be impossible for this game concept to be dull.
Yet, somehow, Ice Road Truckers succeeds in being as yawnsome as a four-hour game of I-spy while sat in an M25 gridlock.
The game, which is an endless-runner offshoot of the History Channel TV show of the same name, asks whether you "… have what it takes to conquer the world's deadliest roads".
What it really means is this: "Will you buy enough IAPs to be able to see enough of the road to avoid driving headlong into an icy lake?"
Deadly ice capades
In typical Temple Run style, your goal is simple: get as far as possible on a single go and grab every coin, like Mario on a day trip to the Royal Mint.
Your truck is relatively easy to control despite the icy landscape, with taps on either side of screen handling the steering - making for a smoother ride than the unreliable tilt option favoured by many developers.
Weaving between trees and rocks is simple enough at first, and the snowy backdrop creates a moody, solitary atmosphere that's only undermined by the looping rawk soundtrack.
Any pretence at realistic physics flies out the window the moment you see the first massive jump scrolling your way. You're also encouraged at this point to hold down both sides of your screen to give a nitro boost for an even bigger leap, which we imagine isn't in the trucker's Highway Code.Keep on truckin'?
Unfortunately, despite the fact that Ice Road Truckers is a paid app, you rarely get beyond a few thousand miles without the heavy in-game fog causing you to crash into a lake or rock you couldn't see until the last possible moment.
To stand a chance of reaching a decent spot on the online leaderboards you'll have to invest a hefty sum to both buy power-ups - such as a temporary ability to drive through rocks and earn coins - and a better driver, like the one who can see a bit farther.
Given the tiny number of coins you can earn in-game, it's exploitative and just not worth it to keep motoring down the same, endless road.
Fans of the show might be happy to squeeze five minutes in during the ad breaks for Ice Road Truckers, but everyone else should drive in the other direction fast.