The Update Update: VS. Racing 2, Heroes of Order & Chaos, and more

Gaming historians believe that there was once an age when developers didn't update their games. Instead, video game makers just released their products and that was it.

Sounds fairly unlikely to me. I mean, how did they fix all the bugs? Checkmate, historians. I await your response.

In this more 'enlightened' age, though, our Android and iOS games are patched more heavily and more frequently than a repenting chain smoker.

So, to help you keep up with the gaming firmware update deluge, we'll be bringing you a weekly round-up of noteworthy new levels, characters, and bug fixes for iOS and 'droid games, as well as the weirdest and silliest patch notes going.

Right, let's get this patch party started...

Gameloft's MOBA spin-off of its popular MMO Order & Chaos Online has gained a new heroine on iOS.

In other news, my daily supply of acronyms has been exhausted by this announcement.

Judging by her costume (see above), the newly introduced Savage Princess Akartu is either from Siberia or Ibiza. Or both.

Gameloft has also added some fresh skins (the Fire Smiter, Bone Breaker, Rockstar, and Reborn Tyrant) and some new item packs to the Heroes of Order & Chaos shop.

"A wonderfully entertaining, perfectly balanced arcade blast..."

I think it's safe to say that we quite like VS. Racing 2 here at Pocket Gamer.

We like it even more now it's received a fresh update. 18 new desert races, a new supercar, adjustments to three-star times, and plenty of technical tuning under the hood are the headline features of this software patch.

Deserts appear to be something of a theme today, with Monsters, Inc. Run getting in on the sandy action, too.

More precisely, Get Set Games has rolled out 16 new levels set in the Desert Canyon (home to some brand-new monsters) in this latest content update.

There's also a new scare team, Charlie and George, though I don't think they'll be challenging Mike and Sulley for supremacy any time soon.

Oh, and if you fancy terrifying people in French, Italian, German, Spanish, or Dutch, you're in luck: extra language support has been added.

A new team of badass gun-toting Rambonauts has blasted its way into this side-scrolling homage to the run-and-gun classic Metal Slug.

Team A-Max comprises the melee-focused Ninja Max, the healer Surgeon Max, Athletic Jax, and Commando Max.

That final Commando Max fellow packs an unlimited-ammo punch, by the way. Lucky blighter.

Did you miss Valentine's Day?

Never mind - so did the maker of PinWar, which now has five extra battle tables and a new theme for the table editor called "Sweet Pink".

Hooray / ugh [delete as appropriate].

Even if your nearest and dearest isn't into ultra-competitive iOS pinball, PinWar is worth a look as one of the new wave of experiments in same-device multiplayer. We did give it a Silver Award, after all.

This week's runner-up is:

VS. Racing 2: "Added skid-marks and smoke to iPod touch 5th generation." PHWOAR.

This week's winner is:

PinWar: "Wage a friendly war with your valentine". Daww.