Real Heroes: Firefighter 3D

Like many other children born before reality TV and widespread use of the internet, I wanted to grow up and become a fireman, a policeman, or an astronaut - or preferably a badass combination of all three.

I eventually decided to put these childish aspirations aside, as my gangly frame is much better suited to writing about video games than it is to any of those other career choices.

I've now had a glimpse into the life of a firefighter in Real Heroes: Firefighter 3D, and I'm confident that I made the right career choice.

Taking on the role of a probationary firefighter affectionately known as 'Probie', you join the ranks of the busiest fire station in Los Angeles. Conveniently, it just so happens that this is also the hottest and driest summer on record.

As you can guess, things start to heat up rather quickly. Soon you're called out to tackle fires and rescue civilians from a variety of locations. You'll be subduing blazes in factories, shopping malls, suburbia, and anywhere else fires could break out.

Thanks to a toolset of an axe, Halligan bar, fire extinguisher, and hose you'll be able surmount any fire-related problem by breaking down doors and spraying water everywhere. And if all that weren't enough, you also get to use a water cannon, a circular saw, and a hydraulic spreader to rescue civilians and open doorways.

Unfortunately, Real Heroes: Firefighter 3D doesn't live up to the childhood fantasy.

Movement is handled by the Circle Pad while looking around is dealt with on the touchscreen. Therefore, you're required to hold your 3DS in a claw-like grip that gets uncomfortable fast. If you own a 3DS stand, then now might be the time to crack it out again.

It's also perplexing that all the touchscreen controls - bar looking - have been mapped to face buttons. It would be convenient if it wasn't so hard to hold the 3DS in the first place, let alone while attempting to press out-of-reach buttons in the process.

Annoyingly, AI pathfinding is also absolutely awful. Rescuing trapped civilians requires unneeded chaperoning as they avoid clear routes and instead aim for those covered in flames.

Not only does this become frustrating - it's illusion-shattering. And your companions aren't much better. Offering very little in the way of assistance, they instead become too familiar with scenery they're continually getting snagged on.

Fire also seems to appear out of nowhere and regularly spreads to supposedly fire-proof water-soaked floors and walls. Just like everything else on offer here, fighting back the flames just becomes an exercise in tedium.

There are far worse experiences on the 3DS than this, but it falls short of delivering the promised "heart-pounding acts of bravery" or "thrilling story-driven adventure". If you had to save your belongings from a burning building, this would be pretty far down the list.