Welcome, one and all, to our weekly wrap-up of the best new games on iPhone and iPad. Our staff of trained gorillas scrapes through the trash heap that is iTunes in search of glinting shards of gold.
This week we've got an ancient Amiga classic that's been resurrected for iPhone and iPad, a platformer that looks like it was resurrected from the black and white Game Boy, a pocket-money puzzler, a point-and-click adventure, and more.
It's not long now until the next iPhone appears, and hopefully a public release of iOS 5 isn't far behind. All told, it's a great time to be a raging Apple fanboy.
All too often we see popular retro titles of yore thrown up on the App Store without any real care or attention. Just the bog standard game, hastily converted for the iPhone and lobbed onto iTunes in the hope of scraping together funds for the company’s latest project.
So it's refreshing to see the cult classic Another World - an atmospheric adventure game about escaping a hostile alien planet, from French developer Eric Chahi - given the proper treatment.
This painfully retro game has been updated with fresh HD visuals, new touch controls, remastered audio, and even Game Center achievements.
It makes Another World a fitting memento for fans, though if you have no love for this game, no nostalgia for the Amiga classic, or were a zygote at the time of its release, it's probably best to steer clear. This is a cruel game with harsh trial-and-error puzzles and a ruthless difficulty that can reduce even the best players to tears.
It can be utterly infuriating for those who have forgotten, or never sampled, the time before spoon-fed puzzles, invasive tutorials, and "pay 69p to skip this level" prompts.
The Sims Medieval
iPhone - £2.99 - Electronic Arts
It's about time that the tired decade-old Sims franchise got a more substantial upgrade than a disc full of virtual Ikea furniture and an expansion pack stuffed with dogs. Medieval is a radical new departure that turns just about every Sim trope on its head.
So while you'll still control a little babbling automaton, its aspirations are less about owning a massive pool and more about becoming the next queen of the kingdom. Instead of leaving the house for nine hours while you 'work', you'll have to do quests like fishing and swordfighting.
You'll also get to fiddle with your Sims' personalities to decide whether you're a good-hearted serf or a nasty little wretch - factors that will affect the way other Sims see you and the sorts of quests you'll be given.
And you'll have to attend to your Sims' needs, because a snoozy Sim who needs a poo isn't great in a fight.
In Beyond Reasonable Doom, the tale of foul-mouthed copper Hector comes to a close. Britain's most violent and misogynistic (and several other adjectives to boot) lawman has had enough and reckons it's about time to wrap things up.
After the cliffhanger ending of Hector's second episode (which we won't describe - because it'll spoil it, and also because we completely forgot what happened), he's got to escape his squalid demise and stagger back to Clappers Wreake to save it from extinction. All while wearing an unflattering hospital gown.
Expect plenty of smart puzzles, some seriously crude dialogue, and the sort of tasteless situations that make you wonder how any of these three brilliant adventure games ever made it past Apple's censors in the first place.
If you like adventures, and you don't blush when you hear the word 'turd', get these games.
Where's My Water?
Universal - 69p - Disney
Disney has big plans for this game's hero - a cute animated alligator named Swampy who bathes beneath the city streets, rubber duck and over-sized brush in tow. If the house of mouse has its way, Swampy could end up on the big screen.
Whether or not Swampy sees a blockbuster release, his debut iPhone game is worth checking out. It's made by the creator of Jellycar, after Disney stepped in to publish the developer's latest iPhone games.
You'll have to solve physics-based puzzles to get a stream of water to Swampy's bathtub. As you go, fixing pipes and re-routing water through the sewers, you'll need to be clever and keep an eye out for algae, toxic ooze, triggers, and traps. And keep an eye out for cute little collectibles.
Universal - £1.49 - OrangePixel
Colours, eh? Overrated, I say. Things were better in black and white, and handheld games just haven't been quite the same since Nintendo found another 50-odd colours to display.
Thankfully, OrangePixel revives the monochromatic heyday with Stardash - a game that has about four different shades of green to its name and a blocky Game Boy-era visual style that we haven't seen since Mario went to the pyramids and killed those Easter Island heads with a biplane.
It also brings back a time of criminally difficult platformers that will make you rip out your hair and toss your iPhone at the nearest wall.
If you found League of Evil easy and thought Super Meat Boy was a cake walk, then this is the game for you. Jumper greenhorns, on the other hand, need not apply.