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Top 10 best pirate games on iOS for International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Arr

Top 10 best pirate games on iOS for International Talk Like A Pirate Day
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iOS

Ahoy there, ya scurvy sea dogs and lousy land-lubbers. It be International Talk Like A Pirate Day, and I - Captain Brown (with hints of ginger) Beard - will be your guide to these windy seas.

Right, enough of that. Yes, this is your annual opportunity to accurately represent 18th century sea-faring linguistics, speak like a plonker, or just say "Arrr" a lot. It's entirely up to you. In any case, today's the day to celebrate the era of the pirate.

As in, the ones with swords and treasure and deadly vitamin C deficiencies, not the ones with AK-47s or illegally downloaded copies of Call of Duty. There aren't a lot of games about those two.

To "celebrate" this "important" day, we've picked out the ten best iPhone and iPad games that convey the buccaneer lifestyle of a treasure-hunting, grog-swilling, sword-fighting pirate with the most questionable historical accuracy. Trade your doubloons for these apps, if ye dare. Arr.

Sid Meier's Pirates!
iPad - 2K Games - Read our review talk-like-pirate-pirates

Before Sid tried his hand at representing every civilisation from the last four centuries in a globe-spanning strategy epic, he had a slightly more modest ambition: recreate the pirate life in an open-ended adventure romp.

You play as a scrappy young privateer who takes on a life of piracy in an attempt to rescue his kidnapped family. While he's at it he'll get into ship-to-ship dogfights, dig up treasure, and do Elite Beat Agent-style jigs with the local governor's daughter. Sounds pretty accurate to us.

Monkey Island 2 Special Edition: LeChuck's Revenge
iPhone and iPad - LucasArts - Read our review talk-like-pirate-monkey-island-2

When it comes to famous buccaneers, witty wannabe pirate Guybrush Threepwood is certainly high on the list. And for smart gamers who grew up on the Amiga, he might be the most well-known of the lot.

Over five games (prior to Telltale's), Guybrush has gone through all the usual tropes and cliches - from swigging grog to following treasure maps - and a few new ones too - from insult swordfighting to calming a crew of singing pirates - to save his true love, Elaine.

Guybrush's adventures have taken him far and wide, and over pretty much every island in the Caribbean, but LeChuck's Revenge - available in this spruced up, director's commentary remake for iOS - is arguably his finest hour.

Crimson Steam Pirates
iPad - Bungie Aerospace - Read our review talk-like-pirate-crimson-steam-pirates

This pirate-themed strategy game certainly has some prestige behind it. It's made by ex-members of MechWarrior creator FASA and published by Bungie's new indie arm Aerospace.

In the game you control a steam-driven pirate ship (for anyone wondering, yes, that is wildly anachronistic) in turn-based battles with othher ocean-faring nasties. You'll either take on baddies in the storyline or your mates with pass-and-play multiplayer.

As the adventure goes on you'll also unlock the ability to command submarines and airships (about as historically inaccurate as woolly mammoths building the pyramids in Roland Emmerich's 10,000 BC) and wield lightning guns (just plain fiction at this point. Don't rely on this game for history homework, kids).

Lil' Pirates
Universal - Beeline Interactive - Read our review talk-like-pirate-lil-pirates

When it comes to freemium games - those time-waster apps that are given away for nothing but pester you to turn your real world cash into fake digital currency - just about profession, from farmer to Smurf village-planner, has been tweaked to fit the formula.

So it's no surprise to see the pirate life transformed into a cutesy free-to-play adventure from Capcom. In Lil' Pirates you'll hire a crew of rapscallions and then send them off on hours-long missions across the ocean, pillaging towns and ferrying supplies.

Pirate's Treasure
iPhone and iPad - Chillingo - Read our review talk-like-pirate-pirates-treasure

Grab your musket and set sail for Treasure Island. In this dual-stick shooter from Chillingo you'll have to fend off murdering scallywags and other historically-inaccurate beasts with your blunderbuss.

As in most of these brainless shooters on iOS you'll go through waves upon waves of enemies in an endless stream of levels, picking up bonus power-ups that let you unleash hell more efficiently. You'll also have to put up with hours of incomprehensible pirate speak. Arr, and all that.

Steam Pirates
iPhone - Fried Green Apps

talk-like-pirate-steam-pirates

I wonder what it is about pirates and steam-punk that make them such perfect bedfellows. Whatever the case may be, the two styles come together perfectly in Luc Bernard's Steam Pirates.

It's an action-RPG that has kind-hearted buccaneer Kat on a quest to find her real parents. Only along the way she'll need to fight massive enemies, save rockstars from mermaid-infested caves, and do all manner of chores for the local populace.

Thankfully, the game gets back on track after a few privateer errands, leaving you to sample the interesting backstory, entertaining writing, and gorgeous visuals of this steam punk-inspired world.

Plunderland
Universal - JohnnyTwoShoes - Read our review talk-like-pirate-plunderland

Plunderland, a gorgeous and stylish pirate sim from JohnnyTwoShoes, is all about physics. As you sail across the open seas and do battle with other ships you'll need to think about buoyancy, inertia, and ballistics before firing your cannon.

Also, the game's wacky physics lets you cheat a little - picking up incoming cannonballs in mid-air and tossing them back at your enemies - and lets you be a tad sadistic - cruelly shaking native populations up and down until all their gold falls out their pockets.

Exactly like what the Spanish did.

Harbor Master
iPhone and iPad - Imangi Studios - Read our review talk-like-pirate-harbor-master

Line-drawing sim Harbor Master might be a frightful rip-off of Flight Control, but it has one thing that Firemint's debut never had: pirates.

In the aptly named Pirate Passage level you'll have to manage three docks and safely guide in ships while fending off greedy bucaneers who want to pillage your wares.

Little do they know, your only cargo is pink teddy bears and multi-packs of y-fronts. Piracy just isn't the same these days, is it?

Tales of Monkey Island
iPad - Telltale - Read our review talk-like-pirate-monkey-island-tales

Guybrush Threepwood has returned. He might have gone into hiding when the curtains closed on the adventure game genre, but Telltale brought him back for a well-deserved epilogue on iPad.

Over five distinct episodes, our hero - still a bit of a klutz, but unarguably a mighty pirate by now - will have to deal with voodoo poxes and miffed pirates as he vows to save Elaine. Again. He's also got an infatuated assassin on his back and his number-one enemy is acting like his buddy.

No matter how silly the Monkey Island series gets, it's always drenched in a pirate-themed atmosphere, featuring sword fights, ship battles, and loads and loads of monkeys. Monkeys were definitely a big part of the pirate lifestyle. I read that in a book.

PirateFleet+ for Friends
iPhone - UnitedToy

talk-like-pirate-pirate-fleet

Battleships are for lily-livered land lubbers, don't ya know? If you're a real scurvy sea dog you'll ditch those tin can destroyers and get your hands on a real man's vessel: a half-rotten, disease-ridden wooden pirate ship.

Like the boardgame classic it so efficiently apes, PirateFleet is about trading blows and firing cannonballs into foggy waters, turn by turn. But using the magic of the internet and satellites and undersea fibre optic cables, you can play against mates around the globe.

Even better, you don't need to wait around for your turn. Much like vocal-battler Words with Friends, this asynchronous sea battler takes place at your own pace - fire your shot and forget about it, and you'll get a push notification when its your next go. Technology, eh?

Mark Brown
Mark Brown
Mark Brown is editor at large of Pocket Gamer