The free iPhone game Trawler Report: Waterslide Extreme and Resident Evil do their best to avoid chatting to Sexytime Fun

As anyone who's remotely busy may well have found out by now, just because something's free doesn't mean it's got much value to it. You may not be spending your money, but you're still spending your time.

If the App Store had just a few hundred, or maybe a thousand, apps on it there would be no need for the Trawler. But there aren't. There are thousands. Thousands and thousands. No, thousands and thousands and thousands.

The Trawler Report's bounty is what comes out after we've sifted through the new free games available on the App Store. This is the cream that's risen to the top of the App Store's waters. Mixing metaphors is a dangerous game, but someone's got to do it. Here's your portion of briny cream for this week.

The best free iPhone games on the App Store

Waterslide Extreme
By Fishlabs/Dare Digital
What is it? It's a waterslide game, duhr
Type Full

We weren't all that impressed by Fishlabs's last paid-for iPhone game, Brawn GR Racing, but they always manage to come up trumps on the freebie side of things. Volkwagen Polo Challenge is one of the best racing experiences you can have that you don't have to pay for. Waterslide Extreme isn't quite up to those heights, but it is fun.

You control a swimsuited character flying down a waterslide. You use the accelerometer to make sure they don't fall off the edge or collide with any crabs or ducks (yes, crabs and ducks) while trying to collect green diamonds. It's based on the Barclaycard advert, meaning that the waterslide actually snakes around a cityscape. Bonus!

Resident Evil: Degeneration Lite
By Capcom
What is it? It's a taste of terror
Type Demo

Resident Evil: Degeneration swiped a Silver Award when we reviewed it. Thanks to its impressive full 3D environments and faithful Resident Evil gameplay, it's become one of our top iPhone action games. Of course, Degeneration's been overshadowed a little by the recent news that Resident Evil 4's lurching this way soon.

This Lite version of Degeneration, a Resident Evil game set in an airport, features the first chapter of the game. It should be enough to keep you going until Resident Evil 4 comes out, although we think that Degeneration's thoroughly worth a download, too.

Treasures of Montezuma Lite
By Alawar Entertainment
What is it? It's an above average match-3 puzzler
Type Demo

Treasures of Montezuma may be a fairly standard match-3 puzzler, but if you've not had your fill of mobile's favourite genre, it's worth a look. You're matching coloured ancient-looking symbols. You need to make matches using ones with jewels stuck in them a certain number of times to finish a level.

There's a generous ten levels on offer in this Lite version, from the 41 of the full version. It's a game that's overlaid with some amusing nonsense about uncovering artefacts, Indiana Jones style.

As ever, it doesn't really have much impact on the gameplay, but Treasures of Montezuma's symbol-matching core is sturdy enough to stand up by itself.

Papaya Diamond
By Papayamoble
What is it? It's multiplayer match-3
Type Full

Finally, an online iPhone game that's not one of those iGangsta, iDruid or iGardner knock-offs that just sees you building up an empire of numbers to fights against another anonymous player sporting another army of numbers purporting to be a mighty legion of warriors.

Papaya Diamond lets you play a fairly simple match-3 puzzle game against real-life players. The game itself isn't up to the best in the genre - not by a long stretch - but the sensation of playing against a real-life opponent makes Papaya Diamond worthwhile.

That said, some of the players did seem to show some bot-like tendencies. Perhaps we're just being too critical. Not everyone can be a pocket gaming god.

Pick of the Week

iTunnel 3D Lite
By Cloubble Adventure Team
What is it? It's a game that'll give you motion sickness in the best possible way
Type Demo

iTunnel 3D's concept is simple - you move along a tunnel and just have to try not to hit into anything. That's it. However, iTunnel 3D manages to make this basic formula compelling by looking and feeling great. Objects pop up and swivel around to try and get it your way, from metal barriers to clockwork mechanisms.

The Lite version comes with three courses and, although the full version doesn't seem to have been released yet, it'll feature more than 30, with a built-in level editor so that you can design your own artsy courses.

Crap Apps Box of Shame Award

Sexytime Fun Lite
By Z Enterprises
What is it? It's an app for those with real foreplay issues
Type Demo

There comes a time, in every relationship, when the romance comes into a spot of bother. The fire just doesn't burn as brightly as it used to. The spark just, well, it's not enough to keep that boiler stoked. There are many ways you can try to re-kindle your love life that we won't go into here, but one we suggest you don't use is Sexytime Fun.

A foreplay version of Twister, it makes you input the names of yourself and your partner and then proceeds to give you commands.

"Gunter, gently massage Doreen's back for 60 seconds," it might tell you, before counting down the alloted seconds you need to keep on backrubbing. It'll even 'ding' when your time's up. Like a microwave.

We know there's an app for everything, but really? Really?