Trawler Report: compose a national anthem with Leaf Trombone, then start a war with Vanguard Storm and Battle Field

‘Make love, not war’ doesn’t really work when it comes to games. Here, war is good. A million dead? Good high score, but I can do better.

Love, though? Well, check out some of our reviews of adult mobile phone games and decide for yourself whether that’s a good idea.

We’ve got a few free wars to offer you from the Trawler this week, although the Pick of the Week is something we wouldn’t normally consider for the prize - an entertainment app.

We’ve featured a load of entertainment apps since the Trawler first set sail back at the beginning of the year, but generally in the dubious Crap Apps category. This week’s pick packs in just about enough gamey elements to qualify, though.

So, you’ll be able to enjoy a little light music as you blast away foot soldiers in their thousands - all in the name of good fun.

The best free iPhone games on the App Store

Glide Factor Lite
By Chillingo
What is it? It’s an accelerometer-controlled space maze game
Type Demo

Even though they’re unavoidable on the iPhone, accelerometer games can provoke a bit of a love-hate reaction. They make you look a bit silly in public, and badly implemented controls can be a right nightmare.

Thankfully, the accelerometer controls in Glide Factor are friendly and, well, glidey, for want of a better word.

You navigate a space craft as it blasts through a space maze. To complicate matters, the closer you get to the top of the screen, the faster your ship goes. The Lite version contains five levels and lets you compare your times with other players across the net.

Vanguard Storm Lite
By Square Enix
What is it? It’s a casual battle game
Type Demo

Square Enix’s first iPhone game, Crystal Defenders, didn’t exactly set the world alight. High priced and offering pretty uninspiring tower defence gameplay, it didn’t stand out from the crowd much. Thankfully, Vanguard Storm upped the ante and won itself a silver award at review.

Waves of enemies charge towards you from the left end of the screen, and you have to make sure they don’t make it to the other end. Each turn, you can place your troops in their way, matching each of their abilities to the weaknesses of the incoming enemies. So, it still may sound a bit like a tower defence game, but it’s not one. Promise.

Stunt Car Racing 99 Tracks Free
By Digital Chocolate
What is it? It’s a side-on
Type Demo

We’ve been fans of Digital Chocolate’s mobile games for years now, with absolutely loads of them having won one of our rather fetching awards.

Stunt Car Racing 99 Tracks is the latest one to make it to the App Store. You drive a monster truck along a side-on landscape, trying to keep it in one piece while performing tricks.

It feels more like a mobile conversion than some of Digital Chocolate’s other games, but this freebie is still worth a download. It lets you race through two environments from the full game.

Battle Field Free
By Rockifone
What is it? It’s yet another decent iPhone TD game
Type Demo

There are more tower defence games on iPhone than we have time to list, and quite a few of them are great. Battle Field might not quite be headed for the top spot, but it’s good fun nevertheless. It opts for a more serious, realistic look than most, featuring a relatively sober cast of tanks, helicopters and missile launchers.

You can place your towers on any spot on the map that isn’t blighted by uneven terrain. You get to play through a whole map in the free version, and can choose between three difficulty levels. A lot of you may be sick with games from the iPhone’s biggest sub-genre, but if you’re not, Battle Field is worth a look.

Pick of the Week

Leaf Trombone Lite & Free
By Smule
What is it? It’s equal parts fun and embarrassment
Type Demo

We may make fun of a lot of entertainment apps here on the Trawler, but Leaf Trombone is actually quite fun. We’d even go as far as to call it ingenious.

A virtual instrument, it works better on the iPhone than iPod touch, as you can use the microphone to make it feel like you’re actually playing it with your mouth. You then use your fingers to change the notes and switch octaves.

You can play away to your heart’s content in this free version, but you only get one ‘song lesson’, Auld Lang Syne. If actually playing seems all too embarrassing to do in public, you can also listen to other players from across the world and rate their performances. Now that’s nifty.

The Crap Apps Box of Shame Award

Booger Tap
By Bimza Games
What is it? It’s mostly creepy
Type Full

If you’re a regular reader, you may remember the furore Baby Shaker caused a few weeks ago. Booger Trap may not be offensive in the Baby Shaker vein, but it’s just about as creepy. The game itself is about as simple as they come, though. You just have to tap green boogers as they appear on the screen to make them disappear.

It’s not the gameplay that concerns - no, it’s the background animation of a toddler opening and closing its mouth and eyes that sends a chill down our spines.

Looking like a cross between the star of Rosemary’s Baby 2 and a baby death mask, it’s an animation that’ll haunt your dreams for days after playing. Hysteria Project‘s got nothing on Booger Trap. Oh, and on top of that the game’s rubbish, too.