Rocky Artue

The new Indiana Jones movie sucked so bad it forced me to re-evaluate the whole series. Last Crusade now appears to be hinged entirely on big stunts and religious showboating, while Temple of Doom seems to be hung entirely on a cool mine cart race.

Which brings us to Rocky Artue, which is also entirely dependent on the perceived amusement of larking around in a runaway mine cart. Though just like Temple of Doom, it’s probably not enough to support the weight of modern entertainment expectations.

There’s a chirpy backstory to Rocky Artue about his genesis in Area 51 back in the 1940s. Lovingly created by the Gepetto of nuclear physics, Dr Artue, this living rocket (hence the weak name pun) was never quite finished after the good doctor mysteriously disappeared.

Anyway, after the remnants of crashed aliens from the Roswell site are stored in Area 51 alongside Rocky, the mechanical Pinocchio comes to life and sets out to find its creator. That’s where you come in, as you help the lost little robot on its journey of self discovery.

This journey seems to be entirely navigated by runaway mine carts controlled using the accelerometer. The controls are beautifully simple and accurate enough that you feel to have a delicate control over the cutesy rocket-in-a-mine cart. Tipping the handset left and right speeds up (or reverses) your undulating progress.

Of course, you have to guide Rocky over the rollercoaster tracks while avoiding the many perils that pepper these abandoned, underground railroads. Which is done by tapping the screen to make your comic character jump, briefly, off the track.

Jumping allows you to grab floating coins and clear the gaps in the disused railway, and if you’re quick enough it can also help you avoid a variety of nasties that snap at Rocky from the sidelines.

You’re given three lives to clear each track, which are whittled away whenever an enemy touches you. The problem with this system is it essentially requires you slow the mine cart to a crawl – at least until you’re familiar enough with the track to know exactly when to preemptively apply the brakes.

Huge bats fly across the track, pick axes fall from the roof and skeletal snakes take bites at random intervals, though all seem to be positioned so that you’ll invariably hit them if you peg it at full pelt across the makeshift railroad.

A couple of obstacles would be fine, but these enemies have been carefully located to ensure you rarely get up to a good lick or make any exciting jumps from a peak without being punished for it.

Essentially, Rocky Artue has the germ of a superb and unique racing game at its core, but the slow pace you’re required to travel at (which also means you miss a great many coins) handcuffs the whole concept to a radiator.

Zooming along the beautifully drawn tracks is a lot of fun, particularly when a gap appears and you successfully leap from one rickety rail to the next, but all that excitement is stymied when you have to constantly back up the mine cart for extra speed after crawling through the rest of the level.

If the game could take a hint from Temple of Doom and hang the entire gameplay not on avoiding tediously slow moving obstacles but on a breakneck thrill ride across a dangerous railway, Rocky Artue could be a great way to pass a few action-packed minutes.

As it is, the sedate game speed robs it of entertainment value and replaces it with frustration, though it’s still worth a glance for those few moments of high octane cart racing if the concept already speaks to you.