The Buzz: Nintendo is Fail!

As you notice, the season gaming spectacular is continuing apace, now with Gears of War 2, Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway, Call of Duty: World at War, LocoRoco 2 and Prince of Persia to add on the list The Bee made in his last unreliable column. The Bee is so tired playing!

Lovely time to be the gamer, but - ignoring extreme healthy profits - it is a bad time to be Nintendo, with disappointment, nuisance and epic scandal.

The Wii drifts always from hardcore of gaming. Everywhere they say, "My Wii is making a dust collection!" Instead of gaming machine it is now for yoga and calculating BMI. Of course Nintendo is make so much money, but for gamers like The Bee it is bitter and sweet to see Mrs Bee playing always on his game console and hogging the television to grunt in the middle of the parlour.

It is not the future The Bee was hoping.

Wii Music is the moment Nintendo jumps the shark. For The Bee, it is good-bye Wii. Mrs Bee must say good-bye also, it is on eBay - she is not even thin!

Not only, but this week Nintendo has made a terrible race error. A public relations worker has sent 14 copies of Animal Crossing to journalists to show them it is wonderful, but they discovered diplomatic nightmare Easter egg - the N-bomb. BOOM!

Even in my country Andelko will not dare to use this word, but a worker in Nintendo has trained Baabara the Sheep to speak it. She is saying, "Just thinking about it gets me all excited, n---a". The Bee will not speculate what makes Baarbara excited, but it is a wrong word for a videogame sheep to say to a journalist.

Of course this is not the first race crisis with videogames.

• Earlier this year The Bee wrote about Resident Evil 5 which is a game of a white American executing Africans.
• GTA IV is unfair race because it is mostly about Eastern Europeans committing terrible crime in America. The Bee knows many Eastern Europeans in America, and many are innocent.
• Crysis is racist controversy because it is Asians making a mess with aliens and you clean up the mess, killing many aliens and Asians.
• Early Atari 2600 game Custer's Revenge is double controversy, because it is of white American military massacring natives of that continent, that is racist, and also the prize is unwanted sex with Native American woman who is tied up.
• With The Simpsons game there is a level where Homer and his child Bart must stop French from surrender to the German army. Not all French like surrender.
• NES game Punch-Out! there are racist name characters as Pizza Pasta, Vodka Drunkenski, and the Great White Hope Little Mac.
• In Pac-Man it is not clear which race of humans are the ghosts, but they are possibly Mexican.

Finally this week for Nintendo nightmare is news of pirates. Not only have the hackers now made piracy possible with first DSi flash cart, but customs of UK seized many counterfeit DS consoles and have warned that there is danger of disappointment and death.

Because he is industry figure, The Bee has letters from enrage customers.

Dear The Bee, I recently bought a Nintendo DS for �40, thinking I had got a bargain. Unfortunately, when I received the unit it was fairly obvious that it was a fake. I decided to use it nonetheless, reasoning that Nintendo was to blame for unjustifiably demanding more than twice as much for the legitimate version of the console. Unfortunately, when I was charging the device the power adapter got too hot and a fire broke out, destroying my children's Christmas presents and killing all three of my pet mice. Needless to say, I'll be sending Nintendo the bill. Yours,
Anonymous The Bee: "Mouse fire!" Dear The Bee, Much has been written about these faulty units, but so far I've been unable to find a single one for sale either in shops or online. Can you help? Regards,
Dr S Richards The Bee: "Refuse!" Dear The Bee, After reading the story about the fraudulent DS units, I immediately phoned my MP to ask whether action was being taken. He sent the following reply: "RE � DS, many thanks for communicating this running issue. It's certainly evident that danger is being placed in by these faulty electronic games. Rest fully assured that I've pencilled in a meet to action this concern so that going forward this matter will be addressed by relevant parties proactively. Yours, xxxxxx." You speak foreign - what does it say? Best,
C Hewitt The Bee: "My translating software cannot recognise that language." Dear The Bee, I bought a DS for �40 it went on fire my posters was burnt I want revenge lol. A Muir

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The Bee is an industry insider who has fed on the nectar of over three decades' worth of gaming. All opinions expressed are the author's own.

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