Want to know the problem with the music industry? It's not piracy, or declining CD sales, or the inexplicable decision to fund a second Pigeon Detectives album.
No. It's that there aren't enough songs about Pokémon in the charts. And we're not talking rubbish tie-in songs from the Pokémon movies, either. We're talking proper rock bands, rappers and technotechnotechno DJs making records about Nintendo's cuddly critters.
So we've decided to remedy it. And don't think we're going to be pulling some weak Britney Spearow, Goldeen Lookin' Chain or Deoxys Midnight Runners gags. We're better than that.
Well, a bit. We've identified 101 songs that would have been vastly improved by focusing more on Pokémon and less on, well, whatever it was they were originally about. Enjoy.
1. Belinda Carlisle – Circle in the Sandshrew
2. Birthday Party – Release the Zubats
3. Hanoi Rocks – Do the Psyduck
4. Ghostface Killer – The Machamp
5. Kula Shaker – Hey Geodude
6. Sandie Shaw – Shuppet on a String
We will make it to 101, too. Don't doubt us.
7. Rage Against the Machine – Fistfull of Steelix
8. Oxide & Neutrino – Exeggcute
9. Tina Turner – I Don't Wanna Lugia
10. Patti Smith – Horseas
11. A Tribe Called Quest – The Hoppip
12. Sam Sparro – Black and Goldeen
13. Dead or Alive – You Spinarak Me Round
14. Weird Al Yankovic – She Never Told Me She Was a Mr Mime
15. Nirvana – Love Electabuzz
16. Joni Mitchel – Song to a Smeargle
17. Ray Charles – Mississippi Mudkip
18. AC/DC – For Those About to Croconaw
19. Queen – It's a Kind of Magikarp
20. Slipknot – Scizors
21. Lena Zavaroni – Slugma, He's Making Eyes at Me
We're not running out of gas yet. In fact, that last one has only encouraged us to reach new
22. Ween – Flaaffy
23. Poison – Every Roselia Has its Thorn
24. Blu Cantrell – Hitmontop Style
25. Blur – Coffee & Eevee
26. Whitesnake – Love Huntail
27. Gary Glitter – Swellow Swellow I'm Back Again
Sorry for this one.
28. Rainbow – Since You Been Porygon
29. David Essex – Gonna Make You an Omastar
30. Ol' Dirty Bastard – The Marshtomp
31. Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Snorlax (Don't Do It)
32. Eiffel 65 – Silicon World
33. Motley Crue – Wingulls, Wingulls, Wingulls
34. Alicia Keys – Dragonair Days
35. Westlife – Love Takes Mewtwo
36. Nelly Furtado – I'm Like a Delibird
37. Mark B & Blade – The Unown
38. House of Pain – Jumpluff Around
This should be Jumpluff's theme tune whenever you bring it out to fight. Surely Nintendo has a music licensing department that can sort this kind of thing out?
39. Elvis Presley – Teddiursa Bear
40. Bjork – Possibly Magby
41. Asian Dub Foundation – Forretress Europe
42. Backstreet Boys – The Perfect Phanpy
43. Pretty Things – Singapore Silk Sharpedo
44. Metallica – Entei Sandman
45. Def Leppard – Let's Get Solrocked
46. The Lovin' Spoonful – Summer in the Skitty
47. Blue Oyster Cult – Don't Fear the Mareeper
48. Justin Timberlake – Chikorita
Like Senorita, see? Okay, this one's a bit weak.
49. Deacon Blue – Real Gone Elekid
50. Motley Crue – Generation Piloswine
51. Public Enemy – Don't Bayleef the Hype
But we made up for No. 48 with this one.
52. Captain Beefheart – Zigzagoon Wanderer
53. Frank Zappa – Botulism on the Hoothoot
54. White Stripes – Apple Bellossom
55. Bob Dylan – Golden Breloom
56. Hakuna Rattata
You know, off The Lion King. Heaven knows who sung it.
57. Cocteau Twins – Cico Igglybuff
58. David Gray – Say Taillow Wave Goodbye
59. Atreyu – Becoming the Snubbull
We're not sure who Atreyu are, but before you criticise, you try combing Google search results for more well known bands with songs about bulls.
60. Radiohead – Fake Plastic Treeckos
61. Robbie Williams – Meganium
62. Pet Shop Boys – It's a Cyndaquil
63. Madonna – Beautifly Stranger
64. Michael Jackson – Volbeat It
65. Frank Sinatra – Sunflora
66. Sade – Your Love Is Slowking
67. Ian Dury And The Blockheads – Cleffa Trevor
68. Black Sabbath – Sweet Nuzleaf
69. Jimi Hendrix – Little Wingull
70. Gorillaz – Dirty Hariyama
71. Carole King – (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natu Woman
72. Will Smith – Gettin' Jigglypuff Wit' it
73. Insane Clown Posse – Tilt-A-Polywhirl
74. Flaming Lips – The Spontaneous Combusken of John
75. The Eurythmics – I Need a Mantine
76. Pussycat Dolls – I Don't Need a Mantine
77. Neil Young – A Mantine Needs a Maid
We could go on, but that would be cheating.
78. Queen – Another One Bites the Dustox
79. Scooter – How Much Is the Qwilfish
80. The Beatles – Norwegian Sudowoodo
81. Sylvester – You Make Me Feel (Mighty Spheal)
82. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Fight Like a Vibravo
83. ABBA – Super Wooper
84. Van Morrison – Mechanical Blissey
85. KC & The Sunshine Band – That's the Way Elekid
86. The Darkness – Black Shuckle
87. M.I.A. – Lombre
88. Yngwie Malmsteen - Masquerain
89. Ben E. King – Stantler By Me
90. Johnny Cash – I Walk the Linoone
91. Commodores - Nightshiftry
92. Heart – Bring a Torchic
93. Black Sabbath – War Grumpigs
We would give our own left femurs to see Ozzy do the official theme for the next Pokémon game.
94. George Michael – Careless Whismur
95. Allman Brothers Band – It's Not My Heracross to Bear
96. Phil Collins – Sneasel Lover
97. Kate Bush – Houndours of Love
98. Foxboro Hot Tubs – She's Not a Saint, She's a Celebi
99. James Blunt – You're Beautifly
100. James Brown – Say it Loudred, I'm Black and I'm Exploud
That's two in one!
101. Bonnie Tyler – Turtwig Eclipse of the HeartIf you've made it to the end of this list and can think of any we've missed, do post a comment with your suggestions. Who knows, we may have enough for another 101 next week. Or not.